To sit, listening to sounds. The crickets. Summer noises. A fan whirring. Music from another room.
Sitting with no agenda. To relax and unwind, doing nothing, not to work, or check Facebook, or email, or links to fake-uplifting sites.
A break from videos of dancing babies, or babies left in hot cars, or politicians, or how-to tutorials, photos to like, cartoons to share, comments to make, sad emoticons, useless ads of things I want to buy but never will.
To sit still and watch water in the pool from the upstairs window, bubbling outward, the filter unable to cleanse sand sunk to the middle after the boys made a giant whirlpool for all to float in one direction.
Luna has been barking off and on for hours at something that is, apparently, taking over the barn. I’m too afraid to walk in there now, the way she is barking, is it a family of raccoons, skunks, who is our new guest?
I am trying to not work today, a Sunday. This was one of my new year’s resolutions. I think about my “to do” list and things I could have finished by now.
Instead I read and take breaks to listen. Sometimes I sneak on myself and check messenger as Evan and I have a small conversation going. I had to tell him about the whirlpool the other boys made.
I think about how I haven’t written in my blog in weeks. We had a family emergency and I traveled a few weekends and lost track of time. I let it go. It wasn’t important. Maybe I’ve lost my courage, how long can I keep up something that earns no money, has no real value in the grand scheme of things such as paying for kids in college.
Then, in an instant, the quiet time ended. I was at my laptop, the post finding its way, appearing despite what I told myself about doing nothing.
Who understands these things? If I had told myself to blog, it might never have come.