Allowing Myself to Feel Good

When I finish a project or reach a goal, I feel good for about two seconds, and then I am on to the next thing.

I have had lower back problems for years, mostly due to use of computers, and I know two things that help significantly – walking and yoga.

Since we have our dog Luna, walks are not that hard to come by. She feels excitement at even the hint of a walk, so it is easy to get motivated.

Knowing that yoga helps, I have dabbled with it for years, since taking a class in Coronado when Alec was a toddler. Recently, I committed to doing yoga six mornings a week by re-arranging our carpool and offering to drive each morning.

I feel good that I made this commitment, except now I have become obsessed with organizing the house and getting rid of clutter. I don’t come home, relax, and feel all yoga-calm. No, I am looking around at this place feeling disgusted. I want to be perfect by yesterday. I want to do yoga AND have a clean house AND have all the bills paid AND cook great dinners AND have lots of time for friends AND spend hours learning new web design tricks AND… well, the list goes on.

I need to take a chill pill and be happy that I am accomplishing one goal that I set for myself. It has only been ten days, so plenty of time to topple off my accomplishment list.

Sadly, the past ten days I have been walking less. Luna has noticed the new morning schedule and does not care for it. She lets me know with one look.

There is always this balance to keep in life. Go one extreme and something (or someone) else suffers. I have never been good with balance.

At this moment, when I think about what is most important for today, I know that I will likely skip cleaning and go see Evan’s lacrosse game at Vermont Academy. This is his last year at VA and Rich and I want to enjoy watching him play. We can take Luna with us and walk the perimeter of the game. This will make her happy, with new smells, new friends, and lots of exciting activity.

I will try to enjoy the sunny day, the lessening of my back pain, the fun of watching Evan play sports, Luna wiggling as she walks, and Rich making his usual jokes. 

The house will be a mess when I get home, but I will try to feel satisfied that I did some good things today and head into the kitchen to make dinner.