Yesterday, I was embedding a video in a website, when an Eckhart Tolle video appeared in the feed.
In the video, Eckhart talks about how too much thinking can be an addiction, like drinking or doing drugs.
There are times when my mind turns into a runaway freight train. What will happen in the future? How will we pay for that? Where are the kids? Does Luna have an ear infection? Is someone going to mow the lawn? Why is the pool green? How come the car is making that weird noise again? Are there mice in the walls? How come I feel this way?
Of course, while writing this out, at this moment, I’m not worried about any of those things (well, Luna actually does have an ear infection). But when I start thinking about too many things at once, the thoughts pile up, and I get overwhelmed.
I remember the constant train of thought when I was single and living in Napa. Will I meet that special someone? Am I in the right job? What if the cancer comes back? Will I be able to have children? Should I stay in California? What will I be doing in twenty years?
All those worries worked themselves out. My obsessing over them didn’t change one thing. I married my soul mate, have three wonderful kids, live in Vermont, have my own business, and my cancer is 27 years in remission. I have a better life than I could have ever imagined.
Staying in the Present Moment
While listening to the Eckhart video, I knitted. The moment seemed to stop. I could hear the rain. Luna slept at my side. In that moment, I was calm. I didn’t have to go anywhere. I sipped some tea. I didn’t have to think at all.
Then I got up and re-arranged the room! So much for a moment of calm. I didn’t think about it, I jumped up and took immediate action! I suddenly didn’t like where the dining room table was, so I moved it.
Now the light surrounds me when I write.
Later in the day, I watched more Eckhart videos. The one below was helpful. It’s about surrendering to fear and how fear can become our greatest teacher.
I hope to take time to watch more of these videos, to sit and knit, or lay on my giant float in the pool and relax. That’s really the only kind of meditation I can do (besides my walks with Luna).
Life is going by so fast. Perhaps with less constant thought, I can slow it down a bit and enjoy each moment, one by one.